


Lovesong

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Angsty Schmoop, Force Bond (Star Wars), Heavy Angst, Interrogation, Movie: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Multi, POV Rey (Star Wars), Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Rey discovered quite a few things in Kylo Ren’s mind. Poe Dameron was one of them.





	1. Give

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title so chosen because I was listening to Adele’s cover of “Lovesong” by the Cure while writing this.

It’s during this sort of mental tug-of-war that Rey and Kylo Ren are having that something, simply, gives. 

She sees the first flicker of an image even as she fights — a young man, with bronzed skin, smooth and flawless, and black hair that falls around his face in messy curls. He has the sort of smile that’s like a brilliant sun, and she sees him through Kylo’s eyes — at least she assumes that it’s all through Kylo’s eyes. Memories are always through the eyes of those who experienced them, after all. 

The young man’s sitting on a bench on some sort of grassy, jungle-filled planet, talking with a version of Kylo that Rey knows is younger. Big eared. Large nosed. Freckled. Rey knows that through the eyes of this younger version of Kylo, this man, this striking man, is ground and air and sky, and every smile and encouraging word is approval from a god. 

He loved this man, once upon a time. Rey can’t wrap her head around the idea of this creature loving anyone or anything. 

More images flood into Rey’s mind. More memories. Swimming by the waterfalls. Going to see this man pilot during his off time in Jedi training. Being called “Ben” — and in this man’s musical voice, it sounded like a blessing, a benediction in and of itself. 

Ben. So the creature had a name, before Kylo, once upon a time. 

 _That man you loved, what happened to him?_ Rey thinks. 

A voice echoes in her head as clearly as if Ren said the words aloud.  _I lost him._

No, Rey knows, he gave him up. Gave him up to go and pursue evil. What kind of fool would give up a genuine connection to pursue becoming the monster that others would crave to kill, Rey will never understand. 

 _“You’ll always be my best friend.”_ That’s what Ren — what Ben — said. And what he really meant was I-will-always-love-you. 

“Stop.” Ren’s voice is low, broken. Rey doesn’t feel sorry for him, though. After what he did to her, to so many, he deserves no pity. “Please.”

”Hurts, doesn’t it?” Rey says. “At least when you’re on the other end. But you can do whatever you want to other beings, just as long as you’re in control, can’t you?”

Ren doesn’t justify himself. He seems to be still riding the aftershocks of having his trick turned against him. Rey knows that it was just a matter of luck on her part.

”Well?” Rey says. 

Ren leaves. Rey doesn’t know where her newfound powers came from — then again, everything seems just about inexplicable — but she can be satisfied that she at least left a mark. 


	2. Justify

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey talks with Kylo (again) on Ach-To.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rey doesn’t really talk about what she saw in Kylo Ren’s mind. Mostly because she doesn’t exactly have anyone to talk to about it — except, strangely enough, Kylo Ren himself. 

The Force keeps connecting them, for some reason. Rey can’t say she likes it. She doesn’t like the idea that she could possibly be bonded to the same creature that killed his own father, who tortured Rey and sliced up Finn’s back. Who killed his uncle’s students. In terms of who she would like to be bonded to, Kylo Ren is not on her list. 

It’s after the Force Bond session where Kylo revealed some of his origins that they have another. They’re in the same place where they had the previous session, though Rey, thankfully, doesn’t have to get an eyeful of Kylo Ren without a shirt. (To say that that was awkward was an understatement)

”What happened to him?” Rey says. “The man you left behind — did you ever see him again?”

She hates the idea of even having a semi-civil conversation with Kylo Ren after what he’s done. And yet she can’t help but be curious. 

“I did,” Kylo says. “Eleven years later.” He pauses. “I questioned him.”

”You mean you tortured him.” Rey can’t even fathom it, actually. Torturing someone you claim to love — but Kylo Ren does terrible things to people he claims to love. Just ask Han Solo. 

“It gave me no pleasure.”

”You could have said no.” Rey says. “You could have taken a stand.”

Kylo doesn’t say anything. 

“You could have,” Rey says, and she knows full well that it’s true. “Why didn’t you?”

”The map — ”

“Was it really that important?” Rey says. 

“To the Supreme Leader, yes.”

Silence. 

“And so it was worth invading someone else’s mind.”

”I hated every minute of it, I assure you. I wanted Poe Dameron safe.”

Poe Dameron. The name isn’t the first time that Rey’s heard it. She remembers the first time she met Finn, when she thought she stole his jacket, as well as the first time she met BB-8, his droid. It seems that Poe Dameron is the invisible link between them, the man Ren loved and tortured. 

Kylo continues. “He had no place in the story. Really, truly. He had nothing to do with what Skywalker tried to do to me, so I left him behind. He wanted to go with me. But he was and is innocent.” A beat. “He would have been more suited to being the hero anyway. He was stronger and brighter than I was. You only saw him in passing. You have no idea of his light.”

Rey swallows. She doesn’t know how to react, even long after the Force Bond mercifully cuts off. She doesn’t know how Kylo can justify himself.

She doesn’t know if she ever will. 

 


End file.
